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we're moving forward but holding ourselves back and we're waiting on something that will never come

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hi. its early. i'm sleepy. and i have a long day ahead of me.

last night my painting class went really well. my instructor is so crazy and unconventional and he cares so much about what we do. he's really inspiring and he looks so deeply into every painting, which led to an entire 6 hours of critique, it was long and draining but very interesting. he made me look at paintings i wouldnt normally like and made me love them and think they were very beautiful. thats a lot of power.
our next assignment is to collect things that are beautiful to us, anything at all, and put them all into a painting together of beauty. after that we have to find the most grotesque disgusting thing we can think of and make a painting of that, but we have to make it as beautiful as our painting of beauty. isnt that a cool assignment?

so a life without real crushes is a lot more simple. its what i'm used to. i'm not all overly emotional and wussy, i usually just sort of like a guy or can stand hanging out with him every now and then, and i dont think much of it. and he usually ends up liking me way more than i like him. well this time its the opposite and i like the guy way more than he likes me. the tables are turned. i dont like it. so i have to try to stop thinkingn about him (impossible) or just try to think of him less (maybe still impossible) for the sake of not getting hurt. and i'll just try to have simple crushes here and sort of like guys and stand hanging out with them every now and then and try not to have real emotions. hopefully that will work.

i like when i didnt worry about what boys thought. now i think about it too much.

its halfway through september. i see all of you at the end of october

thats so far away.
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On September 16th, 2003 05:49 am (UTC), erin_ commented:
aww ramsey, im sorry! but i know exactly how you feel.. welcome to my life of sadness too.. but somehow i just get through..and so will you.. luv ya! and miss ya!
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